So 1st up is health and wellness. I'm surprisingly down to 202.7 lbs this AM. I got on scale last week and with clothes (not typical) was at like 207? And heavy stuff clothes wise as it was COOOLD. Being 210 in December sucked. I was 210 at early Sept before Australia. Came back and was at 204. So at 202.7 I'm definitely at my lowest in a while, hell last year I maxed out at probably 213 to 215, I'm discarding a 218 data point as a real anomaly.
Sleep has been an issue I think due to 2 factors I'll discuss below but I've changed several things and I seem to be sleeping better this week so far than last few. Stress sucks be it work, life or other stuff. I'd been very regularly 7 to 8 hours up until January.
Activity wise November and December were terrible. Though I was walking a fair amount so not bad but it reflected above in the weight. I had maybe 8 and 14 hours of activity respectively. January I hit 20 hours which was much better though was a lower month. It also does not reflect probably 4 hours of shoveling, so there is that.
The Change in View
In Fall of 2018 I was again sent to Australia for work for a good while and this trip was so much better than the Spring 2017 trip, I was only doing 1.2 jobs versus the 2.5 jobs I was trying last time. 2017 was such a crap year due to the big customer project until I stepped way back in November. So this trip I did have way more time. I was running tons, walking around tons and tons and seeing things and living. And it really struck me how much it sucked to be somewhere so awesome and no real reason to stick around and take a vacation as I had no one to vacation with there. Years of being single/divorced had finally REALLY hit me. So I watched a LOT of people there and the loneliness sat inside. I spent a lot of time wondering if I would be single forever and did I want that to change. Lots of thought about this under the surface when I came back.
Went home to my parents for the holidays and my brother and I talked a LOT for us. He had been pushing me a bit on dating on and off since last winter but fairly mildly. Now we really got into it and my dating history and other stuff. And finally I agreed that I would try and be positive and keep my expectations to reality. Managing those is almost the toughest part of dating even in your 40's.
So I spent time figuring out what I wanted, what I have to offer, and who I am and who I want to be and what i want from a partner, in a relationship. I want a partner someone who enjoys spending time together and also has their own life and friends and hobbies and passions. That they can compromise and I will share compromises where we can. That they like to travel. That they enjoy some of the same music and movies and books but I don't expect everything to be shared. To put up with my odd sense of humor. And all that stuff. It's way more than this.
So I decided to join Bumble on Jan 1. Kind of shocking how much response/interest there was. January was the wild wild west and really went on what was 12 first dates. Several second dates, and so on. Some complete failures, some friendships and some stuff still going. Also got back in regular contact with someone I had spent time with in 2015 and 2016 a bit on some casual dates. But at that point I can honestly say as much as I might have thought I was okay to date, I just wasn't. I hadn't really processed it out due to work and other stuff. Then 2017 happened and it sucked. I was so hosed. 2018 was better but I realize a lot of the first part I was kind of resetting from 2017 and regaining myself a bit. Summer 2018 I fell into a major work project and several changes that due to the Australia trip did put me behind the ball and so I was busy and not really paying tons of attention to friends and others. And for that I'm ashamed on how I treated my friends. I wasn't a good friend most of the time. Taking things slow and enjoying whatever life and my meetings bring me.
So as 2019 started and I set my personal goals and intentions (not resolutions), I reset how I looked at things and how I looked at work, volunteering, and life. And I decided to be the person I want. To be happy, support my family and friends, and have fun. So far I'm doing well. Not perfect, but I don't really expect to be perfect but I am doing better. And I will continue to try and improve myself and how I interact with those around me.
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